The Sleep Wars...or... I hope it isn't too late to recover from the brain damage of sleep deprivation

I just spent the past two hours researching a topic I have researched at least 20 times before - how to get my kids to go to sleep without wrestling, wrangling, threatening, crying (me not them), when they have the same bed time and share a room.

I stumbled upon the same answers I always find, and no matter how I try and change the nuance of my question, I get the same results... which can be boiled down into this single nugget of wisdom:

Have a consistent bedtime routine.

Ok.... Done.

but it isn't working and I think I might be the problem.

When it is time to put the kids to bed I am DONE.  I don't want to do bedtime and am often hostile during this "most important" time of the day.  (Once I read something about how the most important moments of the day for kids are the 10 minutes after waking and the 10 minutes before bed.  I wonder where the science is for that.)

How do I prep myself for bedtime routine so that I am ready to put the kids to bed?  I feel like I need an hour to myself before I put them to bed so that I can be a sweet, loving, patient yet firm, soft spoken bedtime champion.

I cannot find a single article on getting my own self ready for my children's bedtime.  I have friends who have to tackle bedtime alone because their spouse works late or they are single parenting or whatever.  What do you do when your day consists of:
* having slept maybe 5 consecutive hours and then being awoken early by fussy people
* wrestling kids into clothes
* feeding meals and snacks
* packing lunches
* changing diapers
* working for 8-10 hours
* dropping off and picking up kids
* dealing with clients, coworkers, bosses, spouse, and children
* making dinner
* trying to be good at these things

... and now you have to put your kids to bed so that you can do it all over again tomorrow, and you desperately need some time to yourself?  You just want to stop and breathe but you can't until you push through this thing... and it is the hardest thing of the day...

BEDTIME!

Once this hurdle is accomplished I do not get to sit down and rest.  I still have laundry, work deadlines, dirty dishes, a messy house, the desire to do something like read or watch a show, I need to spend time with my husband, and at some point my exhausted body needs sleep.

I have observed that the more desperately I need bedtime to go quickly, the greater the chance that it will take three hours and I will degenerate into a horrible angry sobbing mess.

So I wonder... what if I am approaching bedtime wrong?  What if the goal is not getting my kids to bed, but is instead getting myself unwound for the rest of the evening?  What if winding down becomes a sacred family activity and I lead by example?

hmmm....

Assuming the stresses and circumstances of life are not going to change, and that I will not have less on my plate in the near future, how do I allow bedtime to be a restful and filling activity for me?

You are invited to brainstorm with me.  How do I make the girls bedtime routine the time when I take off the stress of the day and cloth myself in peace and rest when I still have so much to do before I go to sleep?